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Literature Text
The Five Dark Purveyors
Biography
Originated in Rotten World; a realm filled with hellish zombies
Summoned by Swan to rule the world, all individually put down by Juliet Starling
All were capable of making a hell on California, mostly messing around by making hordes of zombies of mindless followers (George Romero would be proud)
Shared powers
Regeneration. Each zombie can survive being cut in half or apart a separate numbers of time. Mariska for example can use it to clone herself, Zed pushes himself back together, and Vikke can use it to enlarge his head. The only reason why this is labeled separate is due to the amount of times someone has been sliced.
Zed once
Vikke (bifurcated)
Mariska (multiple times, its even a power)
Josey (once and has survived bifurcation)
Lewis (multiple times)
Zed – The Punk Rock Zombie
Very fowl mouthed
Influences: The Misfits, Black Flag, and torturing small animals
Uses a mic stand as a weapon, capable of spinning it quick enough to prevent any close-up attacks
Humorously; the weakest of the Dark Purveyors
Zed’s powers
* Capable of super speed (fast enough to make afterimages),
* Summoning loud speakers
* Sonic waves from his guitar to be used as miniature distructo disks
* Using said speakers to create words and use them as weapons (said words can be destroyed).
* When desperate; Zed will use the letters and mix it with his shouting to push people away in hopes to keep them at bay
Zed’s weaknesses
* Reacts slowly
* Attacks rely on their speed as they can be easily disrupted
(“I got hard-on for dead cheerleader!”)
Vikke – The King of Viking Metal
Loud and crude
Dimwitted
Inspirations from: Bathory, enslaved, necrophilia
Often backed up by his fur bear: Yumil
Uses an axe as a weapon
Vikke’s powers
* Can conjure lightning storms; can make this even stronger by playing the drums
* Can increase the size of his head if decapitated
* If decapitated; can use his limbs to back him up
Vikke’s weaknesses
* Mostly his head is an incredibly easy target when decapitated
* Yumil can be knocked out with a single hit
* Not as smart as the other zombies
(“We are zombies, short and stout. We like to drink and f**k, f**k, f**k!”)
Mariska – The Queen of Psychedelia
The most “polite” of the Purveyors
Often seems lazy and laid back, often playing a sitar
Inspired by: Jefferson Airplane, Aldous Huxley, and bad fashion sense
Prefers mind games, illusions, and hallucinations instead of straight up fights
Mariska’s powers
* Hallucinogenic mushrooms create entire illusions. Strangely, can be hurt by anyone fighting her from their mind (probable mind-link)
* Can split herself in half and regenerate from that, making clones of herself by twos
* Illusions can be incredibly harmful and insane
* Levitation
* Can make hallucinogenic butterflies that sap away at the enemy’s life
* Teleportation
* Bubble summoning, can telekinetically lift foes inside them
Mariska’s weaknesses
* Powers seem to emit from sitar. If its destroyed, shes open
* Right collarbone seems to be her biggest weakness, seeing how harming it freed Juliet from the fight and left the zombie open to attack.
(“Lets travel, to the land beyond the doors of perception. Step outside the boundaries of your mind, lose yourself in the eternal collective unconsciousness… And rot…”)
Josey – The Master of Funk
Influences: Rick James, Parliament Funkadelic, eight-foot piles of cocaine (Snowflame!?), C3PO
Uses a customized UFO for mobility
Speaks in an auto-tuned voice
Egotistical
Josey’s powers
* Can teleport others into video games
* Can use light as an attack; mostly in the form of laser blasts
* Electricity
* Can make a game of Simon from his UFO, loser gets electrocuted
* Can make hologram versions of himself that self-destruct
* Giant UFO contains five prongs that can become electrified for safety. Once shattered; Josey’s barrier protecting him on the UFO is defenseless
Josey’s weaknesses
* Distracted easily by his own prowess
* Heavily relies on technology attacks
(“You believed what I said? B*tch! I’m a mother-flippin’ zombie!”)
Lewis legend – The Rock and Roll Zombie
The most blood-thirsty of the Dark Purveyors
Mostly aligned to elephant rock
Influences: Chuck Berry, Eddie Cochrane, YOUR screams of agony
Most stubbon of the Dark Purveyors
Has a shapeshifting motorcycle that becomes an elephant head
Lewis’ powers
* Guitar is incredibly durable; rivaling Juliet’s chainsaw (which can cut UFOs in half, flip cars, never rust, etc.)
* Guitar can machine-gun like rounds
* Levitation
Motorcycle Elephant Mech’s capabilities
* Homing missiles
* Improvisions to aid Lewis
* Incredibly fast
* Saw-blade for an arm
Lewis’ weaknesses
* Limited powers compared to his comrades
(“Rock and roll is here to stay! You’re not!!”)
THE SEVEN EVIL EXES – LEAGUE OF EVIL EXES
Biography
Founded by Gideon Gordon Graves
Each dedicated to controlling the love life of Ramona Flowers as she broke up with all of them
All eventually defeated by Scott Pilgrim
Follow video-game logic; exploding into money upon defeat
Are still alive; were respawned in their homes in the United States and learned their lessons (and refused to return to Canada due to the time it takes and the money it requires)
Matthew Patel – Mystic Pirate
Ramona’s first ex-boyfriend
The weakest of the League
Powers: Mystic
(India) Indian-American
Fights in the matter of a Bollywood fighter, complete with (catchy) singing and music
Matthew’s powers
* Fireballs
* Can summon back-up demon hipster chicks – Can use fireballs, teleport, and fly. However serve no other purpose than backup dancers
* Levitation
Matthew’s weaknesses
* Weakest of the League, taken out quickly
* Demon hipster chicks can be dispelled quickly
* Easily distraced; this left him open for a quick defeat from Scott
(“Pirates are in this year.”)
Lucas Lee – Pretty Good Actor/Skateboarder
Friendliest of the League
Master skateboarder and actor
Was the target to Wallace’s affections (before he “died”)
Tends to use stunt doubles to fight for him
“Died” by skating too quickly
Lucas’ powers
* Superhuman strength, was able to throw Scott into a building from a great distance (five stories)
Lucas’ weaknesses
* Relies on stunt doubles and his physical strength
* Impulsive, took up Scott’s challenge quickly instead of continuing to attack (considering he nearly defeated Scott, this is amazing)
(“Prepare, to face the wrath of the League; of Evil Exes.”)
Todd Ingram – Vegan Rockstar
One of the most intimidating of the Evil Exes
Incredible bass guitarist
Vegan, capable of telekinesis thanks to it (don’t ask)
Possibly one of the deadliest of the Evil Exes
Arrogant, one of the quirks of being a rock star
The main Ex to have been depowered before defeat
Todd’s powers
* Superhuman strength – Managed to punch TWO holes into the moon
* Can breathe in space if the above fact is possible
* Telekinesis thanks to being a Vegan
** Can make telekinetic auras
** Miniature AT Fields (telekinetic blocks)
** Telekinetic electrocution
** Mutation vegetable attack
** Powers can be taken away by the Vegan Police
Todd’s weaknesses
* Amazingly egotistical
* Powers can be taken away by the Vegan police, leaving him defenseless
* Horrible liar
(“You know what? I’m a Rockstar, I do what I want.”)
Roxanne “Roxie” Richter – Bi-furious Ninja
Half-Ninja
Stated to be born on the moon… Just roll with it
Dated Ramona when she [Ramona] was going through a bicurious phase
Lesbian
Easily enraged
Capable of going hand-to-hand with Mr. Chau
Bifurcated by Scott and exploded into animals instead of currency
Roxanne’s powers
* Wields a whip-sword
* Stock ninja powers
** Super speed (fast enough to become a blur)
** Teleportation
** Substitution Techniques
** Can infiltrate and kill people in their dreams
Roxanne’s weaknesses
* Short fuse
* Weak point in the back of the ankle sends her into an orgasmic state (film only)
(“You punched me in the boob!”)
Kyle and Ken Katayanagi – Handsome Jerk and Perfect Ass Hat
Twin brothers who Ramona dated at the same time behind the others back
When both were dumped, they agreed not to let another woman separate their brotherly bond
Masters at robotics and music
Kidnapped Scott’s ex: Kim Pine to use her as bait
The twin’s powers
* A series of skilled team attacks based from fighting and beat-em-up games such as a team Tetsumaki Sepuyaku and a duo dragon/yin-yang punch
* Can combine their musical style to create a large monster made of stereo sound
* Use robots as bait to gauge an enemy’s skill
* Can use a giant robot capable of firing rockets, laser blasts, and crushing with its bare hands
The twin’s weaknesses
* Rely on each other, not at their best when separated
(-Shows the two preparing to fight Scott in-game-)
Gideon Gordon Graves – Asshole
The founder of the League
Owns the Chaos Theater; an underground club
Completely evil out of the League
Has women trapped in his base
Can use The Glow; a form of emotional warfare
Very intelligent, capable of using technological weapons such as holograms and a pixelated sword
Managed to kill Scott before he managed to come back thanks to a one-up
Defeated by Scott and Ramona
Gideon’s powers
* The Glow; his most formidable weapon
** Can be sent via contact or projectile
** The only physical effect is a glow around the head
** Allows Gideon to manipulate Subspace and manipulate a person’s emotions
** Can use this to brainwash others
* Can summon a pixel katana. Capable of shattering a sword personified by self-respect
* Transformation
** Can become a sixty foot behemoth similar to a Final Fantasy boss – Can be beaten by a single hit to the head
** Capable of electric balls, lightning strikes, powerful physical attacks and blood-red skulls
* Holograms
** Created entire levels and a threatening self
** Hologram self can drop several (or one large) meteorite, become invulnerable to damage, and ram into enemies with a powerful shoulder ram
Gideon’s weaknesses
* Cocky
(“You made me swallow my gum… It’ll be in my digestive tract for seven years!”)
